Johnny Walker
by Vinagrette
Summary: Remus muses on a time when he helped Sirius remember their past...and wonders if he should have acted differently. [slash]


_Remus always wondered..._

Heading down the stairs to the kitchen, Remus stopped abruptly when he heard a voice. Sirius' voice. Against his better judgement he crept down the last few steps and stopped at the bottom, still out of sight. He strained to listen, holding his breath when he heard the topic of conversation.

"...your father than I thought. The risk would've been what made it fun for James."

Remus frowned and listened for a second voice, but without hearing one, he knew. Harry. Sirius was talking to Harry. It took everything Remus had to resist the urge to interfere with the conversation. Naturally, his first instinct was to rush into the kitchen, pull Sirius from the fire, and then berate him properly for being foolish.

But he knew better; the last time he had tried to talk sense into Sirius it had resulted in them sleeping in separate beds for a week. It was only after a desperate Remus had convinced Sirius that the idea of Sirius in animagus form accompanying Harry to Platform 9 3/4 wasn't entirely foolhardy - only just a little - that the two were able to resume their normal sleeping habits. He sighed and continued to listen.

"Well, I'd better get going, I can hear Kreacher coming down the stairs. I'll write to tell you a time I can make it back into the fire, then, shall I? If you can stand to risk it?"

Once he heard the tell tale pop of Sirius removing himself from the hearth, Remus moved into the kitchen.

Sirius was standing in front of the fire place, his back toward the rest of the kitchen. Another pop sounded throughout the quiet room and Remus winced, it was the uncorking of another scotch bottle. Next to coming up with wild ideas to get out of the house, drinking was Sirius' next favorite past time.

"Sirius?" Remus asked tentatively, creeping up slowly behind the other man, his figure eerily outlined by the light of the slowly dying fire.

Giving a mumble in reply, Sirius took a generous swig from his bottle. Remus placed a hand on either of Sirius' shoulders and pressed his forehead against the back of the taller man's neck.

"It'll turn out alright," Remus began, speaking only loud enough to be heard over the crackling fire.

Remus' head jerked in conjunction with the snort that Sirius made before he spoke, "I'm sure it will, Remus. Everybody says so, after all. And when has anybody in this damn place ever been wrong? Except for me, that is."

Pulling away from Remus' touch, Sirius moved to the kitchen table, drinking again from the green glass bottle. Remus turned and noticed the handsome young wizard on the bottle label looking out at him, winking and smiling with perfectly straight teeth.

Following the other man's gaze, Sirius held the bottle up, looking at the little man on the label. He shot a glance to Remus, the light of the fire he stood beside playing with his hair, creating shadows on his face, and for a split second, Sirius could picture the seventeen year old that Remus once was.

He looked back to the goateed man on the bottle and for the very first time in months...smiled. He tapped the bottle (the wizard who had garnered so much of their attention made a face) and held the bottle out toward Remus.

"Remember?" Sirius asked, knowing it was impossible for either of them to ever forget.

"Come _on, _Moony, live a little!" Sirius waved the bottle over Remus' head, spilling a few drops in the process.

Remus wiped the liquid off his nose with his sleeve, glaring at Sirius, but still smiling as James and Peter sniggered.

"I told you, _no_. I've made it six years in Hogwarts without getting into trouble and I'm not going to ruin it during my last year with...with...contraband drinks!"

Sirius put his hands on his hips, puffed out his chest and circled around the boys' dormitory, doing - what Remus had to admit - was a very good impression of him, "I'm not going to ruin it with contraband drinks!"

James and Peter seemed to agree it was a rather good impression, for the both of them instantly fell into peals of laughter. Sirius joined into the fray, collapsing on top of them - all three a pile on Peter's bed.

"Remus - " James managed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, " - are you blushing!"

"No." Remus folded his arms across his chest and turned his head, knowing perfectly well he was quite crimson.

"You are! Aww...poor Moony-kins," Sirius cooed, stretching out to lay across both Peter and James.

Remus' reply, a very sound "Sod off" just didn't have the effect he had intended. His response, in fact, sent the other three into another round of laughter - Sirius' barking laugh rising above the rest. Against his will, Remus grinned...and laughed a little, too.

"All right! All right...hand it here," he gave a mock sigh and reached out toward the pile of laughing boys.

"Atta-boy, Remus!" Sirius shouted, jumping from Peter's bed to Remus' before collapsing next to Remus, spilling a great deal of alcohol onto the floor in the process.

James surveyed the scene and slid off his bed, reaching into his trunk. "At this rate-" he began, digging around inside, "-we're going to need a bit more, I'd say."

Bottle to lips, Sirius nodded his head and grunted in agreement.

"Oh no," Remus began, looking from Sirius to James, "I mean, I won't need much more th-"

But he was cut off by Peter who triumphantly threw a rather chubby fist into the air, screamed, "Trip to Hogsmeade!" at the top of his lungs, and nearly ripped the cloak out of James' hands.

James shushed Peter and laughed, grabbing their map and throwing the cloak over the two of them in what seemed like a single second. Before Remus could comprehend what it was exactly they were intending to do - they were gone.

Turning from the space where, seconds before, Peter and James had been standing, Sirius grinned and thrust the bottle toward Remus, "Go on, then."

Eyeing the man smiling at him from the bottle label, Remus took it in his hand and drank what was, aside from a small glass of champagne his father had slipped him at a family wedding some ten years before, his very first drink. He could hear Sirius giving a holler of appreciation from the foot of the bed.

"Not so bad, is it?" Sirius asked, a knowing grin plastered all over his face.

"S'pose not," Remus admitted, again glancing to the man on the bottle. He was flashing an immaculately white smile in his direction while running a hand through a mop of dark curls. "Who's he?" Remus asked, causing Sirius to turn his attention to the bottle as well.

"Johnnie as you corrected? I'll highlight occasions where he's named to make them easier to fin dif you want to change them. Walker," he said matter-of-factly as the two boys stared at the label. Johnny seemed to know he was being watched and stood a little taller.

"Pretty cute, huh?" Remus ventured before leaning back against his headboard and taking another swig.

Sirius followed suit and stretched out next to Remus, laying his head on the shorter boy's shoulder.

"Not my type," he stated.

"Oh?" Remus, a bit surprised at himself, drank down the rest of the bottle and let it drop to the floor. "I thought anybody was _your_ type."

Sirius snickered and shook his head - as much as he could anyway, without lifting it from Remus' shoulder.

"All right then," Remus began, absently tucking a dark strand of hair behind Sirius' ear. "What - or who, rather - is Sirius Black's type then? Inquiring minds want to know."

"Mmm," Sirius mumbled, lifting his head. He sat up and turned around to straddle Remus, one knee on either side of the other boy's waist. He then leaned forward, his hands pressing onto the pillows Remus' head was resting on.

Noses just a whisp apart, Sirius grinned.

"You," he stated quite simply, the sound of the word almost guttural.

Remus swallowed hard and stared into the eyes above him. Sirius' hair was falling forward, encasing them in a dark curtain. He barely registered the fact they were both breathing shallowly. Sirius was running his tongue along his lips, staring intently down and - Remus swallowed again - not blinking.

He was starting to tremble, and Remus vaguely wondered if Sirius could feel it, too.

He was also hot. Quite hot now, and uncomfortable. Yet not uncomfortable in a _bad_ way. Just...a way he had never felt before.

Staring down at a figure he had never thought looked so beautiful, Sirius was anxious. Anxious for what, he didn't know. What he did know was he wanted to be closer to Remus. As close to Remus as was possible.

Breathing deeply, Remus squirmed beneath Sirius, wanting - needing - to get closer to him. He lifted his arms to wrap them around Sirius, hands sliding up and under the simple white T-shirt he was wearing. Closer now. Remus wanted to be closer. Wanted every inch of Sirius' warm skin pressed against him. Inside him.

Their lips were barely touching now, Remus' fingernails were skimming the length of Sirius' back and he was faintly aware of movement between them. Sirius was pressing against his hips, slowly rocking back and forth, his breath hot on Remus' mouth. Shocked at the effect this was having on him, Remus fleetingly registered that he could feel Sirius in the same state as he was - could feel Sirius' erection was pressing against his own. Over and over again as Sirius' rolled his hips.

"Kiss me?" Sirius asked breathlessly.

And Remus complied. With eyes closed he titled his head ever so slightly to press his lips against Sirius'. Remus was surprised to hear a moan, even more so when he realized it had come from his own throat. Sirius echoed the sound and pressed his hips harder against Remus'.

Sirius pulled his mouth from Remus' and moved to whisper into the other boys' ear, "I've wanted that for a very, _very_, long time..."

With a lick to the earlobe under his lips, Sirius ran is tongue down the line of Remus' jawbone, before planting wet kisses to his nose, forehead, chin, neck, and collar bone. And this time Remus knew the moan he heard was his own and he arched his back, urging Sirius to kiss and lick further down his chest, which was slowly being exposed as Sirius unbuttoned his shirt.

"You're -" a gasp as Sirius took a nipple into his mouth, "- drunk," Remus managed.

"Mm-mmm," was his reply, muffled against Remus' own skin. "Not."

Running his fingers through Sirius' hair, Remus gazed up at the scarlet canopy above his head. "You are...You've got to be."

"_No_," Sirius growled this time, bringing his head up to give Remus a forceful kiss before pulling back to speak, his lips brushing against Remus' as he spoke, "I'm not. This is me, Sirius Black, sober. And this is me, Sirius Black, saying that - " he continued before another kiss –

"I want -" another kiss,

"To kiss - " and another,

"You, Remus Lupin-" and another,

"Now and later and - " another kiss to Remus' grinning lips,

"After that - " another kiss,

"And after that - " again,

"And after that, until,-" one more, before,

"The end of time," and at the end of his statement, Remus laughed and placed a hand behind Sirius' head, drawing him close enough to gently run his tongue along the other boys' lips before stopping to nibble gently on Sirius jawbone.

Sirius growled and pulled back, "Besides," he added, "it takes a hell of a lot more than one bottle to get me smashed."

They both laughed this time, all lips and tongues, and hands, licking and touching until both boys lost track of time. They were only brought back to reality some time later when the dormitory door burst open and James landed hard on top of them.

"He hasn't changed a bit," Remus said simply, motioning to Johnny Walker, who was now grooming his eyebrows.

Sirius stared at Remus; his tattered robes, greying hair, his laughter lines, and even the little wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. He knew Remus was appraising him the same way; surveying his gaunt figure, thinning hair, and the deep hollows under his eyes.

"Neither have we," Sirius said, not able to hold in a small laugh at the absurdity of his own comment.

Remus looked from Sirius to his own reflection looking back at him from a dusty mirrior near the pantry and couldn't help but shake his head and laugh.

After that brief moment of mirth, silence again fell between them.

Sirius set the bottle down and walked toward the stairs.

He turned before going up, looking at the ground and then up to Remus, who was still wiping some wetness from his eye.

"Do you really think it'll turn out alright, Moony? Or are you just saying that because you're...you?"

"I really do, Padfoot. I honestly, and truly do."

Sirius nodded, mumbled something about wanting to be alone again, and climbed up the stairs.

Remus sat down at the table and stared at the empty bottle, listening as footfalls became softer and softer above him. He resisted the urge to go up after Sirius - knowing from previous experience, his presance wouldn't be welcomed. Instead, as he had done every other night that week, he stayed in the silent kitchen for the remaining hours of the evening, doing work for The Order.

_And Remus always wondered...if he had known, that within a few months' time, Sirius would be gone...would he have walked up those stairs after him? _


End file.
